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The masters of mental and emotional management are the Buddhists. They have enjoyed centuries of deep understanding as to what causes us to adopt distorted viewpoints, and its associated emotional imbalance. Let me give you a simple and common example from my work as a couples' therapist.Couples become distressed with each other primarily because each partner views their interactive dynamics from their own (inevitably) skewed perspective. These perspectives and reactions arise for several reasons, but when bunched together, creates misunderstanding and a unique view of events - the perfect emotional storm! Here are the dynamics that feed into the typical couple argument:
Each person's childhood is peppered with unmet needs and emotional wounds that most people are largely or perhaps completely unaware of. These unmet needs and reactions to trauma cause each person to see events through filters caused by commonly accepted belief norms (such as men's views matter most, women are the weaker sex, children should be seen and not heard, your needs are not important, etc), expected behaviours (such as doing the washing is women's work, gardening the men's work, and children should help with the dishes, you should take responsibility for whatever needs doing), and many similar norms generated by the culture of the wider family, ethnic expectations, religious beliefs and customs, and so on. Some traumatic childhoods result in the adult behaving in ways that are an attempt to gain happiness, but often do the opposite.