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Appearing out of my relationship with my ex-fiance, (I canceled the wedding when I realized he triggered my core wounds of distrust) I was bitter, distrustful, and vengeful.
With a background in film, I was, at that time a commercials director and was writing a screenplay about a female who had been hired by housewives to try the fidelity of these husbands. I knew I was pounding my pain into art, and I needed to publish something that wasn't a syrupy romance, I needed it to be "real, gritty" an art-house film. I believe at the time, I named it a traumady - a tragic comedy. (You could see how much work I'd yet to accomplish on myself then). I had no idea how powerful my subconscious was and what I was about to do. To be able to write a picture, I'd envision scenes and play them over and over in my own head, feeling the emotions of the characters, making the entire world as real as you are able to so the dramatic arc will be real.
Lucky for me personally, I needed my protagonist (who I identified with) to locate love.
And this premise COMPELLED me to ask some very powerful questions. How could a lady who found her own empowerment through proving the untrustworthiness of men ever trust one?
To publish the journey with this character, I'd ask myself, what her emotional state was, and what did it look like. I would first visit the basis of her belief, translate this into behavior, and then determine what can the alternative scenario look like.
For example, my character obviously had a belief that being appealing to men might cause other women pain, thus she should have strained relationships with women. How could that shift throughout the span of her healing? What might healthy female friendship appear to be?
She must also have a belief that life and particularly men were cruel. What might kindness look like to her? What might a person worth loving seem like to her. She also had a belief that men were only self serving and liars. Well, then what might generosity and consideration of another look like to her? What gestures would make her trust again?
Asking these questions, got me excited for her and the audience. The love interest would have to be described as a nurturing soul, an individual who cared about life. How would we realize this? Because we're able to notice it through how he interacted with the environmental surroundings and his passions. In this case, it was the plants he nurtured back to health and which he'd bring to her sparse apartment. He'd teach her how to have a green thumb, and expose her to nature in this way as to greatly help her regain faith and wonder in the natural world.
Thus the smoothness I created was a landscape designer who also ran a butterfly atrium. His patience, consistency, ability not to take things personally, his tenderness, strength, forthrightness all pointed to what she needed in order to heal, regain awe, reverence and trust in men, life, and love.
This is the good stuff, which I interspersed with lots of drama to help keep the plot interesting. Problem was, my esoteric teacher during the time asked me if I wanted to keep experiencing the grade of "infidelity?" She could see that I was focusing onto it (even though I hadn't told her the niche matter). I said, "no." So she said, "then stop writing about it."